I am a random and unorganized person, but there are certain things that I'm so rigid and downright unreasonable about that everyone in my family knows to just not even try.
1. My side of the bed. I have slept on the left side since before we got married. Don't judge. The only time I willingly broke this rule was a night we spent in the haunted Crescent Hotel and the only lamp was on the right side. But I only stayed there about an hour before the presence of of our ghostly visitors made a couch and chair in front of the lobby fireplace a much more restful option. See? Bad things happen when I don't sleep on the right (left) side of the bed. Even the ghosts knew something was "off" in the universe and began convening to check it out.
2. My bed must be made. I don't care about the kids beds, but mine MUST be made. My entire house can be a vortex of dog hair, dirt and disorganization, but my bed must be made. If Charlie gets up last and doesn't make it, which I prefer because he doesn't do it like I do, I will make it when I get home. Even if the sheets are dirty and I'm going to change them later anyway. Even if it's only to get in it to go to sleep. I blame my Mamaw Davidson. Our fireplace was smoking and the first thing she did after calling the fire dept was to tell me to go make my bed so they didn't see the mess. And I did without questioning. My Mother found me in my smoke filled room, making sure the sheets and comforter were even and the throw pillows positioned.
3. If I don't like what I order the first time I go to a restaurant, I will never want t go back. This makes the first ordering decision VERY important. Especially if others in the the family have already eaten there and they really likes the food. Sometimes, In these cases I will try to order a tried and true dish that I know no one can mess up, like chicken fingers or a grilled cheese sandwich. That way, I won't hate it so the restaurant won't be off limits, it just won't be a place I suggest.
4. If I LOVE what I order the first time, I will order it every time from then to eternity. Just ask Jade China- When they hear my voice, they say "Hi Ms. Palmer. Spicy Chicken extra spicy, extra baby corn? I've been ordering it since my 18 year old daughter was still a zygote. I've never tasted another thing on their menu. At Stoby's I have ordered the French Dip sandwich since I was in 6th grade. The only other thing I have ordered for lunch/dinner is the Vegetarian Quesadilla when I was going through my vegetarian phase. FYI- My intense craving for Jade China Spicy Chicken was the Achilles Heel that finally weakened my vow to not support factory farmed meat producers with my dollars. In the moments when my heart, brain and stomach were having a moral heated moral on the subject, I actually tried to justify a decsion to make an allowance for Jade China based on the urban myth that chinese restaurants serve cat and call it chicken. If it WAS cat, I knew there were no huge factory farms where thousands of cats were cramped, shoulder to shoulder, as they fattened up on canned tuna before being herded into the slaughter house. Everyone would hear them howling and meowing and know it was there. If they served cat meat it would have to be from free range cats who were obtained by a fair hunt in the open streets and alleys. They had a life of freedom and a means of escape when hunted so if they were caught, it was obviously their time to go. I could live with that. This makes it vividly clear that I am, indeed, a dog person. By the time it hit me that part of my rationalization had an obvious flaw, everyone knows that you can't herd cats, it was too late. I had already called and let the lady place my order. Again, don't judge. Everyone, even you, has a price. Mine just happens to be Spicy Chicken.
5. Again, this one is focused on restaurants. If I like the food AND love the owner I am fiercely loyal. I love the food at Tokyo Japanese Hibachi on Oak street. But more than that I love the owner. I love that she not only remembers us, but that she KNOWS us so well. She remembers our kids don't like vegetables, she knows how old they are, she knows that one of the girls graduated from Vilonia, one home schooled and both are currently attending ASU at Beebe. She also knows Jack attended Vilonia but switched to St. Joseph in 6th grade. That is impressive. Especially since sometimes I can't even keep it straight. What I don't love is that now it's almost empty every time we eat there. Everyone goes to Fuji's so they can have sushi and alcohol. I've never tried sushi and have no desire to do so. I tried cooked fish once and hated it which meant all fish was placed on the "I didn't like it so I'll never eat it again" list. I like a good cocktail as much as the next person, but give me a warm welcome and visit with the lady at Tokyo over an alcohol buzz any day. The fact that my daughters go to Fuji's on a regular basis brings about the same sadness and disapproval Amish parents would feel if the they discovered their child had rigged up a solar generator and was watching the show Good Christian Bitches on a tv they found on the side of the road and had pulled home in their little wagon after dark. It makes me wonder where I went wrong...But I digress.
SO! Those are the five rules. But now, I have a dilemna that is very much throwing a curve ball to one of my rules. The my side of the bed rule. I like to edit photos on my bed (made of course) and the power plugs into my laptop on the right side. This means the power cord drapes across my legs weighed down by the very large and heavy connector. The only alternative to this is to run it behind me but that damned connector gets hot and it either makes my back hot or makes me worry it's going to catch my freshly made bed on fire. The whole thing gets on my nerves. Badly. Not to the point that I'm willing to change sides, just enough that when I have to buy a new laptop the main requirement will be that it plugs in on the right side. This must be the frustration my family feels when adversely effected by one of my five rules. Thinking about this makes me sad. But not sad enough to bend the rules...
Hello Again...
I know, it's been a while and I apologize. I have a lot to tell you as it's been a very busy few months. In June I spent two weeks in American Samoa with my Mother, then the hubby and I spent two weeks roadtripping from Arkansas to Yellowstone and back and again, I had a hysterectomy AND my Gallbladder removed, but the biggest news is that I finally stopped being such a chicken and made the leap into professional photography. Details to follow...
Accidental Activist
When I wrote my last blog entry, I had no idea it would get so much attention. If you look at all of the previous entries, although few, it is obvious that this blog was not designed around activism. It was designed so that I could share the pictures I take and the stories surrounding them. I never planned on my blog being read by anyone other than the people I know and love. So the fact that my day long, emotional journey concerning gas drilling around my Aunt's lake house struck a chord with so many people I didn't know came as a huge shock to me. But as my blog began to be shared on various sites I realized that the reason it struck a chord was because it wasn't written from a political or environmentalist point of view. It wasn't about how anyone else felt or thought about the drilling. It wasn't based on facts or studies. It was based on my emotions and thoughts as I dealt with the possibility of drilling activity around a place near and dear to my heart. Along with the positive feedback, I also received some emails complaining that my writing was not based in fact. That I was only telling one side of the story. That I needed to visit this website or that website to get the real story. That I needed to make sure I was using proper names of equipment. I was even told "Don't become an Arkansas version of Josh Fox". To those people I have this reply. This was an account of my experiences. There are no other sides to present because no one else can experience my emotions or thoughts. Visiting a website that explains the economic virtues of drilling isn't going to make it beautiful to me. I don't care if calling a piece of equiment by the wrong name made me less credible to readers. I wasn't trying to change anyone's mind. In fact, I closed my entry admitting that I didn't have the answers. I believe that everything happens for a reason. That we are steered in the direction we are meant to go. My blog led me to an amazing group of people who are fighting to make drilling as environmentally friendly as possible. It also led me to them at a pivotal moment in their fight and I was so honored and humbled to be a part of it. I also had the pleasure of witnessing some very special young people in my life become interested enough in the environment to spend two nights learning more. Casey, Joey, Jackson and Hannah... I am so proud of you for taking an interest and a stand even when it puts you at odds with many of your friends. I look at you and know the future is bright. Last week I was actually amused having someone warn me about becoming Josh Fox, because when I wrote the blog, he was simply the guy who made Gasland. I only used his movie trailor because it was the shortest video explaining the fracking process on YouTube. But after my blog led me to those amazing people, they led me to the opportunity to meet Josh in person. I got to hear him answer questions in a panel discussion. He sat up there with no note cards or talking points. He answered questions from people who were unhappy with the drilling and from people in support of the industry. No representatives of the gas industry were willing to do that. This was their opportunity to "Debunk Gasland" in person and they didn't take it. That, to me, speaks volumes and I can think of no higher compliment than for someone to think I could ever become an Arkansas version of him. When I wrote that blog a week ago, I wasn't an activist. But thanks to that blog, I am now.
And then there are the pictures you don't want to take...
I live in the Fayetteville Shale Play Formation and there's a lot of fracking going on. If you aren't familiar with fracking and why it's bad, this video should bring you up to speed. Even if you think you know what it is, go ahead and watch the video. It will really help you "get" today's blog entry..
So, you remember that letter the guy in the video got from the gas drilling company? The one that inspired him to go take an educational "fracking roadtrip"? Well, my Aunt Mary, who has moved to Galveston to be close to her daughters, got one a few months back. It was from Chesapeake Energy and they wanted to lease the mineral rights to her property in Arkansas.
This is Aunt Mary's property. It certainly doesn't appear to be a likely drilling spot.
MAYBE there's enough land in the backyard, but doubtful.
Not that it mattered. As soon as my Cousin educated her on fracking, she said no to Chesapeake. After that, I didn't give it much thought until I saw a comment on the Arkansans for Drilling Accountability site http://www.a4gda.blogspot.com/ . According to the post, this was what they were after.
The rumor on the street was that Chesapeake Energy was no longer satisfied with drilling around the lake. Now they wanted to drill under it. Take a good look at that picture. Back when my Grandparents owned the place next door to my Aunt, I used to spend every summer looking at that view. There are pictures of me in that lake when I was less than a year old. I learned to swim in that spot beyond the rocks. My cousins and myself jumped and dove off those rocks more times than can be counted. The thought of them drilling under it made me sick. I immediately alerted my cousin to what I had heard and told her I was going to Higden to have a look around. I kept thinking it had to be a rumor run amok. This was Greers Ferry Lake we were talking about. The source of water for over 65,000 people in Central Arkansas. As I headed down Highway 92 towards Higden, I began to see just how much the drilling activity had escalated since my last trip to the lakehouse. Savannah was with me for that trip and remarked how pretty it was and that we should consider retiring there. FYI, she was including herself as part of that "we". The girl has no plans to ever leave home. However, I don't think she would want to retire there now. Yes, there was still mile after mile of pastures dotted with huge old oak trees, big wooden barns, ponds, cows and horses.
But there was also a lot of this...
And quite a few of these "ponds". Although, you wouldn't want your cattle drinking out of them...
And an endless stream of these...
As you can see from the above picture, not only had the scenery changed but the pace of life had sped up. A constant stream of gas industry water tankers sped up and down the highway. Some delivered fresh water to fill the endless lines of blue holding tanks. Others hauled toxic waste water away to what I could only hope was a safe place. I wondered how many times a day the drivers drove the same route. They turned off the highway down gravel roads that disappeared behind hills and groves of trees leaving long clouds of dust. I could only imagine the dust they produced in the summer.
However, there was an occasional slow down...
Driving down that highway gave me the same feeling I get when driving through bumper to bumper city traffic. As I tried to take in this new industrialized rural setting, I realized that even if the drilling wasn't pumping toxic chemicals into the ground, air and water, I would still hate it because it was just so....well... ugly. I suddenly found myself recalling the words of the cheerleader of natural gas, Mr. T. Boone Pickens.
"Natural gas is not a permanent or complete solution to imported oil. It is a bridge fuel to slash our oil dependence while buying us time to develop new technologies that will ultimately replace fossil transportation fuels"
As I thought about those words I wished he was sitting next to me so that he could see that it sure was taking a lot of foreign oil to build that temporary bridge to independence from foreign oil. And ultimately, the Natural State will pay for the construction of a bridge that seems to be burning faster than we can build it. As I got closer to the lake I was disheartened to see that the drilling presence had infiltrated the lake communities as well. I wondered what I would find at Aunt Mary's. I dreaded the possibility of equipment lining the quiet street and the noise of machinery ripping the earth apart. As I turned down the street I was relieved and thankful to see that the neighborhood was still untouched by Chesapeake Energy workers.
It was like an oasis of calm in a desert full of chaos and ugliness.
Maybe it had just been a rumor, after all. Maybe I had overreacted and made a knee jerk call to arms. I walked down to lake's edge, sat down on the big rock and just let the peace surround me. I was the only person around. The only creatures I had to share the lake with were a couple of dogs intent on showing me their dead squirrel and a solitary Bald Eagle who was soaring in lazy circles above my head. As I sat, my mind went back to the times I spent here with my Papaw whittling and listening to the Whippoorwills on the island across the lake. Even though I miss him more than anything, I decided I was glad he wasn't around to see what was closing in on his beloved lake. I wandered aimlessly around taking pictures, some of which I posted above. Finally, I took a picture of the lake with my phone and sent it to my cousin so that she could see all was well. As I pulled out of the drive, I decided I was definitely taking a different route home. But first, I wanted to drive on into the town of Greers Ferry to have a look around. As I crossed the dam I found myself at the end of this very slow moving parade.
Tell me this doesn't make you curious. It sure brought out my inner Erin Brokovich. Luckily, there were no cars behind me so I was able to stop, grab my camera and get some shots. You can't see it in the picture, but there was a sheriff's car leading this parade of peculiar vehicles, too. All were in full flashing light mode. When we got to the other side of the dam, the parade turned down a side road and parked. And I did what Erin would do. I turned around, pulled into a driveway and started snapping pictures paparazzi style. I zoomed in on the door so that I could get a look at who the trucks belonged to and saw they were from Dawson Geophysical from Midland Texas. A quick Google search revealed that they were from a company out of Texas and Oklahoma. Don't you just love that Arkansas is selflessly helping other states to recover economically? The search also revealed that this was a dynamite crew. Which was exactly what the lady's comment had said was going on in preparation to drill under the lake. They were going to use dynamite all around the lake to see if it was seismically favorable for drilling. Am I the only one who thinks that sounds like a colossal fracking mess?
I have to say the following shot made me really angry. Yes, I know the officer was just doing his job. But I felt like I was witnessing him telling the thief where to find all the really valuable stuff to steal.
I decided I had seen all I needed or wanted to see. It was time to head home. But first, I wanted to go to Quitman. I wanted to see first hand what this article was talking about.
So I entered Locust street into my iPhone map and went in search of the leaky well. I do so love this technology that has the ability to correct my directional deficiency. The article didn't give a street number but it did mention the area was cordoned off. That should make it easy to find. I was picturing something with warning signs and environmental agencies on site with fancy monitoring machines. This is what I found.
It was the only place on Locust street with yellow restricted area tape surrounding it so it had to be the right place. According to AOGC Director Lawrence Bengal, the nearest neighbor was a good distance away and the nearest operating well was a quarter mile away. I didn't have that article with me at the time or I would have taken pictures to prove him wrong. The truth is there is a neighboring house just to the left of the fence you see in the picture. There were toys in the yard and someone was obviously living there. As far as the nearest gas well being a quarter mile away, I can't be sure with my distance/directional defficiency syndrome. But here is a picture of the the entrance to a gas well about 50 yards down the road from the leaky water well site.
And here is a Southwest Energy truck entering the drilling site. Obviously, there is an active well close by.
These inaccurate statements weren't made by a gas company representative. They were made by the Director of the Arkansas Oil and Gas Commision. This is the agency that is responsible for regulation and oversight of the drilling activity in our state. It is supposed to be there to protect us. Instead, he was obviously trying to downplay the seriousness of the situation and draw responsibility away from the drillers in the area. If the only danger with the well was if someone were to come by and light it, wouldn't it make sense to have some type of signage stating there was flammable gas in the area? But no, that might draw too much negative attention to gas drilling. Can't be too careful now that everyone has seen Gasland and is watching a bit closer than before. No, it's best to just wrap this yellow tape around the place and leave quietly. Nothing to see here folks. Move along. Oh, and try not to breathe too deeply.
And that, my friends, is why I don't believe them when they say the chemicals in the fracking fluid are safe. I don't believe them when they say none of them enter the water table. I don't believe them when they try to shift the blame of contaminated water wells to everything under the sun other than the fracking they are doing in the next pasture. I don't believe them when they promise no waste water will be dumped in creeks. And I sure as Hell don't believe them when they say it's safe to drill underneath Greers Ferry Lake.
I don't claim to have all the solutions to the energy quandary we are in. But I do know that we are risking a lot to try to solve it. All I know is that I hope this bridge we are building leads to a world powered by sustainable and renewable energy. I hope my grandchildren never know what it's like to go to war for oil. I hope that their cars are fueled by something that has no real impact on their wallets or the environment and affords them the freedom to travel the earth. But mostly, I hope we leave them an earth worth seeing.
Can You Hear Me Now?
I've been doing a lot of online research in preparation for our upcoming Yellowstone trip. There are facebook pages, message boards, blogs and other sites out there just full of helpful information. But the question that seems to pop up a lot is "Will I have cell coverage?". While most of Yellowstone is a cell phone dead zone, some areas of the park like The Old Faithful Lodge do have coverage for SOME carriers. Apparently, this is a big deal for some folks. So much so that they discuss switching carriers or buying a pay as you go phone for their trip. Some are just indignant that Yellowstone, being such a popular vacation destination, offers no coverage. Do they REALLY want cell towers erected in the park? I guess it ultimately depends on what you are hoping to get out of your trip. Are you there to get a glimpse of what our nation looked like before it was settled by man or are you there to upload pictures of Old Faithful to Facebook via your iPhone? Isn't the point of a vacation to "get away" ? Now, I must admit that I love my iPhone. But it has little to do with the actual phone part. Phone calls and texts actually get on my nerves because they interrupt what I really use my phone for...the interent. I am a Google addict and find it comes in VERY handy while travelling. I also like the fact that I can check weather radar with the click of a button. But I have to say that the times I don't have cell coverage are liberating. I'm more aware and present. And while I may not be able to snap a photo and share it on Facebook, I come away with something precious and unrecordable by technology... a memory of truly experiencing the emotion of the moment. So I, for one, am glad there will be no cell coverage in Yellowstone. The phone will stay in my bag and I will stay in the moment. Who knows, I may go completely old school and send a few postcards...
Countdown to Yellowstone Wolf Adventure
Back in August, Charlie and I were blessed with the opportunity to go to Jackson Hole, WY on business. Well, Charlie was there on business. I was there to spend every possible moment exporing the surrounding wilderness. We spent hours trekking through the Grand Teton National Forest and surrounding areas. We saw Moose, Bison, Deer and a Black Bear with cub. Most nights, I returned to the hotel dirty from head to toe, a true mark of a good hiking day. While we were over two hours away from Yellowstone National Park, I just couldn't be that close and not see it. We had one day to fit it in so we left at four in the morning so we could see asmuch as possible. I was bouncing in my seat and clapping with excitement as we drove through the southern entrance of Yellowstone It was everything I could have hoped for. Beautiful, wild, vast with opportunities to be one with nature at every turn. We got to see about 3/4 of the lower loop and then had to head back Jackson Hole for a business dinner. I made Charlie promise we would come back. He kept that promise and for our 20th Wedding Anniversary he told me "plan it". When deciding on what type of trip to take, there were many options. There were lots of "photography" tours. But was that REALLY the reason I wanted to go to back to Yellowstone? While I obviously love photography, I wanted this trip to be about the experience not just about trying to find the best photo ops. Before our first trip in August, I had read a little about the wolves of Yellowstone. While in Jackson Hole, I learned a lot about the struggles between ranchers and hunters and the wolf reintroduction plan. I bought a book that chronicled the release and first years of the Yellowstone Wolves and found it fascinating. By the time I got on the plane bound for home, I had joined the website http://www.yellowstonereports.com/ so that I could read daily reports on Yellowstone wolf activity. I began reading books, watching documentaries, I had gone wolf crazy. So I knew that I wanted to go to Yellowstone during winter when the wolves are most active and easily seen. I finally chose The Wild Side Winter Wildlife Tours &Treks http://www.wolftracker.com/ . Unfortunately, both of their winter wolf tours were already full. They were, however, offering an Extended Winter Wolf Watch that was actually longer in duration with more speakers and opportunities to hike and snowshoe. On March 4th we leave for a weeklong trip to Yellowstone. Here is our itinerary:
March 4, 2011 — We will rendezvous with group members at Bozeman airport between about 12 and 1 PM. Our gathering place at the small Bozeman airport will be at the large Grizzly Bear bronze near the baggage claim. We can make special arrangements to pick up at local hotels prior to the airport stop, particularly for those needing to fly in the day before. Once gathered, we will serve lunch near Bozeman before we embark for Gardiner, Montana, at the north entrance to Yellowstone National Park. Transportation will be in the now famous “Adventure Bus,” an ideal vehicle for group touring purposes. Once in Gardiner, we will visit the famous Roosevelt Arch for an official welcome to Yellowstone Park. We will check in at the Absaroka Lodge overlooking the Yellowstone River where the group will be lodged for the week. Our evening meal will be in Gardiner accompanied by an orientation and presentation by your local guides, wildlife biologists Nathan Varley and Linda Thurston of The Wild Side, LLC.
March 5, 2011 — On our first and subsequent days, we will depart early (~6 AM) to the Northern Range for a search for wolves and other wildlife. We will visit such wolf-rich areas as Slough Creek and the Lamar Valley for viewing. The viewing will be mostly road-based during using binoculars and spotting scopes to find wolves and observe other wildlife like bison, elk, coyotes, and moose. Be prepared for possible short hikes to vantage points and have plenty of warm clothes including insulated winter boots for extended periods of largely sedentary activity while searching and viewing. Breakfast will be served on-the-go in the field to maximize our search and observation time. Lunch will be at the gallery of our friend Dan Hartman, a naturalist and wildlife photographer who lives in the forested mountains of Silver Gate, Montana. While enjoying lunch we will be treated to a presentation of Dan’s work as a naturalist, photographer, and wildlife film-maker. Dinner will be back in Gardiner at the Animal Track Education Center to conclude the day’s activities.
March 6, 2011 — Our schedule will be similar through the week, as the goal is to look for multiple wolf packs and make observations of a variety of behaviors and activities (hunting, playing, traveling, feeding, (sleeping!), etc.). This time period is the height of breeding activity for wolves, so courtship behavior may bring exceptional opportunities to learn. Lunch will be back in Gardiner. An after-dinner evening session at the Animal Track Education Center in Gardiner will feature one of our special guest speakers, to be announced. Past speakers have included Dr. Douglas Smith, film-maker Bob Landis, UCLA behavioral geneticist Dan Stahler, and other distinguished experts in the field of wolf biology and behavior.
March 7, 2011 — Again an early start will begin our search of the northern range of Yellowstone for wolves. Each day brings different sightings and different wolf activity, so multiple days create a diverse experience and will give us a chance to see rare moments. Lunch will precede a snowshoe adventure (2 miles) to the Pebble Creek canyon, nature’s colorful cathedral within a winter wonderland. Dinner will feature our second of three guest speakers.
March 8, 2011 — After our morning wolf watch, we will plan on another snowshoe trip to a destination of interest, perhaps a carcass after wolves have finished their use of it. Dinner in Gardiner.
March 9, 2011 — Our final early morning in the field will be followed by an after-lunch snowshoe hike (up to 3 miles to the den formerly used by famous Wolf 9, mother of Wolf 21 who attended this den as a yearling. Our final night at the Track Education Center will feature the last of our 3 expert guest speakers.
March 10, 2011 — On our final morning, we will pack up and depart Gardiner after breakfast in town. Transport to Bozeman airport will be for flight departures no earlier than NOON, or a nearby destination of your choice by arrangement.
This is going to be the trip of a lifetime and I'm SO grateful to have the opportunity to experience it with the man who is both my husband and bestfriend. Here are are some of my favorite photos from our August trip to Jackson Hole, Teton National Forest and Yellowstone.
A Short Life, Fully Lived
When I woke up on the morning of Saturday January 16, I reached for my iphone and checked on the rest of the world via Facebook. I'd found that early morning was the best time to check it if you want to see what your fellow grownups are up to as the teenagers are all still asleep. But that wasn't the case that morning. My newsfeed was filled with status updates from teens "Praying for the Allison Family" "RIP Amanda" were repeated over and over. It wasn't long before I got a text from my 17 year old daughter, Savannah saying "Did you hear about Amanda?" I answered that I had seen a lot of status updates about her but didn't know who she was or what had happened. She called to fill me in. She said Amanda had been accidentally shot the night before and was dead. She insisted that I did know who she was even though she had never been to the house or anything. She told me that Amanda's Dad, Mr. Allison, taught math at the high school. I remembered him because Sarah Beth had him her senior year. He was one of the few teachers in the high school who bothered to call me when he had a concern about her work. He was a very caring and devoted teacher. But I never even knew he had a daughter. Since deciding to homeschool Savannah during her sophomore year, I didn't have much contact with her old classmates. I tried again to remember who she was but I just couldn't. Over the next couple of days, between the media and word of mouth, the details of her death emerged. She was at a party where there was alcohol and apparently some drug use going on. A 19 year old boy had a friend's sawed off shotgun and was twirling it on his finger when it accidentally discharged, hitting Amanda in the midsection. The boy made a frantic 911 call for help and held her until the ambulance arrived. But she was gone before help arrived. He was arrested and charged with second degree murder. As I looked at his mugshot in the newspaper, I couldn't imagine the pain and guilt that would haunt him the rest of his life. Then, I saw the picture of Amanda. My breath was taken away as I recalled a very vivid memory of being out somewhere with Savannah and Amanda running up to her, giving her a huge hug while talking a mile a minute. She was so animated, so vibrant, so alive. She didn't care that people were staring because she was talking loud and jumping around. She was too busy living to worry about what people thought. I remember wishing I could be more like that. She left a huge impression on me in just a few short minutes. I can only imagine how she touched the lives of those she knew and loved. Now I fully understood why everyone kept saying "You know her. If you met her once, there's no forgetting it". I suddenly found myself crying for her, for her family, for her friends and for the rest of the world that never had the pleasure of meeting her. Amanda died on January 15th just days before her 18th Birthday. On January 19th her friends and family gathered at the school to celebrate her birthday and life. No official count was taken but they say there were approximately 200 people in attendance. They released 18 red balloons for her and three white to honor her parents and sister. When I heard they were planning it I immediately wanted to be there, camera in hand, to record what I knew was going to be a beautiful moment. I didn't want to take pictures of people, I just wanted to photograph the balloons floating into the air. For some reason I just felt like I needed to be there to do that. But I was afraid it might be seen as inappropriate or disrespectful so I told my daughters to go without me. I wish I had gone. I wish I had that picture to give to her family, especially her father. Amanda's Dad returned to work just days after losing his daughter because he said the school was his family and they needed each other. He writes on Amanda's Facebook wall every morning and every night because he can't bear the thought of not telling her good morning and goodnight. When a person so full of life is suddenly gone, it leaves a big hole. So it is no surprise that her classmates can't imagine Graduation without her. They want her seat left empty and her name called. The thought of acting as if she was never there is unacceptable. When they made their intentions known to the school they were told it wouldn't be appropriate to do that at Graduation because that day was about recognizing their achievements, not the loss of a classmate. It seems like with all the talk you hear these days about self centered teens that the school officials would have been impressed that these kids were asking to share their special day and make it about something bigger than themselves. But sometimes, us adults get so bogged down in appearances and rules that we lose sight of what's important. I let those things stand in the way of going to her memorial. I hope the school officials don't make the same mistake and will allow her classmates to include her in their graduation ceremony. When a person dies young in such a senseless way, we are left wondering why. And while there is no way to ever know why, we can at least learn some very valuable lessons from it.... Live every second of your life fully. Never take this life or the people in it for granted. And don't forget that sometimes it's better to follow your heart than to follow the rules. What better way to honor a short life so fully lived.
When I was told this song was played at her funeral I'd never heard of it.
When Savannah played it for me and I was touched by the truth of the lyrics. Thought I'd share it.
**Update**
The school has decided it would be a good idea to honor Amanda at Graduation.
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