A Short Life, Fully Lived

When I woke up on the morning of  Saturday January 16, I reached for my iphone and checked on the rest of the world via Facebook.  I'd found that early morning was the best time to check it if you want to see what your fellow grownups are up to as the teenagers are all still asleep.  But that wasn't the case that morning.  My newsfeed was filled with status updates from teens  "Praying for the Allison Family" "RIP Amanda" were repeated over and over.  It wasn't long before I got a text from my 17 year old daughter, Savannah saying "Did you hear about Amanda?"  I answered that I had seen a lot of status updates about her but didn't know who she was or what had happened.  She called to fill me in. She said Amanda had been accidentally shot the night before and was dead.  She insisted that I did know who she was even though she had never been to the house or anything. She told me that Amanda's Dad, Mr. Allison, taught math at the high school. I remembered him because Sarah Beth had him her senior year.  He was one of the few teachers in the high school who bothered to call me when he had a concern about her work.  He was a very caring and devoted teacher. But I never even knew he had a daughter. Since deciding to homeschool Savannah during her sophomore year, I didn't have much contact with her old classmates. I tried again to remember who she was but I just couldn't.  Over the next couple of days, between the media and word of mouth, the details of her death emerged.  She was at a party where there was alcohol and apparently some drug use going on.  A 19 year old boy had a friend's sawed off shotgun and was twirling it on his finger when it accidentally discharged, hitting Amanda in the midsection.  The boy made a frantic 911 call for help and held her until the ambulance arrived.  But she was gone before help arrived.  He was arrested and charged with second degree murder. As I looked at his mugshot in the newspaper, I couldn't  imagine the pain and guilt that would haunt him the rest of his life. Then, I saw the picture of Amanda. My breath was taken away as I recalled a very vivid memory of being out somewhere with Savannah and Amanda running up to her, giving her a huge hug while talking a mile a minute.  She was so animated, so vibrant, so alive.  She didn't care that people were staring because she was talking loud and jumping around. She was too busy living to worry about what people thought.  I remember wishing I could be more like that. She left a huge impression on me in just a few short minutes.  I can only imagine how she touched the lives of those she knew and loved. Now I fully understood why everyone kept saying "You know her.  If you met her once, there's no forgetting it".  I suddenly found myself crying for her, for her family, for her friends and for the rest of the world that never had the pleasure of meeting her.  Amanda died on January 15th just days before her 18th Birthday.  On January 19th her friends and family gathered at the school to celebrate her birthday and life. No official count was taken but they say there were approximately 200 people in attendance. They released 18 red balloons for her and three white to honor her parents and sister.  When I heard they were planning it I immediately wanted to be there, camera in hand, to record what I knew was going to be a beautiful moment.  I didn't want to take pictures of people, I just wanted to photograph the balloons floating into the air. For some reason I just felt like I needed to be there to do that.  But I was afraid it might be seen as inappropriate or disrespectful so I told my daughters to go without me.  I wish I had gone.  I wish I had that picture to give to her family, especially her father. Amanda's Dad returned to work just days after losing his daughter because he said the school was his family and they needed each other.  He writes on Amanda's Facebook wall every morning and every night because he can't bear the thought of not telling her good morning and goodnight.  When a person so full of life is suddenly gone, it leaves a big hole.  So it is no surprise that her classmates can't imagine Graduation without her.  They want her seat left empty and her name called. The thought of acting as if she was never there is unacceptable.  When they made their intentions known to the school they were told it wouldn't be appropriate to do that at Graduation because that day was about recognizing their achievements, not the loss of a classmate.  It seems like with all the talk you hear these days about self centered teens that the school officials would have been impressed that these kids were asking to share their special day and make it about something bigger than themselves.  But sometimes, us adults get so bogged down in appearances and rules that we lose sight of what's important.  I let those things stand in the way of going to her memorial.  I hope the school officials don't make the same mistake and will allow her classmates to include her in their graduation ceremony.  When a person dies young in such a senseless way, we are left wondering why.  And while there is no way to ever know why, we can at least learn some very valuable lessons from it....  Live every second of your life fully.  Never take this life or the people in it for granted.  And don't forget that sometimes it's better to follow your heart than to follow the rules.  What better way to honor a short life so fully lived.

When I was told this song was played at her funeral I'd never heard of it.

  When Savannah played it for me and I was touched by the truth of the lyrics.  Thought I'd share it.

**Update**

The school has decided it would be a good idea to honor Amanda at Graduation.